Burger King's Advent Calendar: Peak Capitalism or Just Peak Stupid?
Alright, let's get this straight. Burger King, the fast-food chain that can't even consistently get my order right, is now selling an Advent calendar? Seriously?
BK's "Nostalgic Surprises": I'm Surprised They Aren't Selling Mayo Packets
They're calling it a "limited-edition BK Advent Calendar for the holidays," all wrapped up in brown paper and string like it's some artisanal gift from Etsy. Nope, it's Burger King. And what kind of "nostalgic surprises" are we talking about here? A JD the Dog Plushie? Cini Mini Candles? A Stout King Chia Seed Sprouter? Give me a break. Who in their right mind wants to sprout chia seeds in a Burger King-themed container? Is this supposed to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside? It makes me feel like I need a shower.
And the price? $19.54. Get it? 1954, the year Burger King was founded. Cute. Real cute. But here's the thing: I could probably buy all this crap at a dollar store for, like, five bucks. Or, you know, spend that $20 on actual food that won't end up gathering dust in my closet.
They sold out in FIVE MINUTES last year? Are you kidding me? People are actually lining up to buy this garbage? What does that say about us?
The CMA Awards: Are We Running Out of Country Music?
Okay, shifting gears completely because my brain hurts from thinking about that Advent calendar. The 59th Annual CMA Awards are coming up. Another chance for Nashville to pat itself on the back and pretend country music ain't slowly dying a horrible, pop-infused death.
And speaking of Nashville, look at this concert list. It's longer than my arm. Every other artist is playing the Ryman or the Bluebird Cafe. It's like they're trying to cram every single musician within a 500-mile radius into one month. Are they trying to compete with Austin? I don't know...are they trying to create some kind of country music black hole?
Then there's the music releases. So. Many. Albums. And singles. I can't even keep track. Who has the time to listen to all this stuff? Is it even good? Probably not. Most of it probably sounds the same anyway.
Did anyone ask for another Christmas album from Gabby Barrett? And Luke Bell posthumously released an album? That's... that's just depressing.
The Grammys: Who Decides What's "Good" Anyway?
Oh, and the Grammy nominations were announced November 7th. More awards. More self-congratulatory back-patting. More chances for artists to thank their agents, their managers, their stylists, and everyone except the people who actually listen to their music.
Who even decides who gets nominated anyway? Is it some secret cabal of industry insiders? Probably. Do they actually listen to the music, or do they just pick names out of a hat? I wouldn't be surprised if it was the latter.
This Is Why I Drink
Seriously, this is why I drink. Burger King Advent calendars, endless country music concerts, Grammy nominations... it's all just noise. A constant barrage of commercialism and self-promotion, disguised as "art" and "entertainment." And people eat it up. They line up for it. They pay for it. They want it.
Maybe I'm just getting old and cynical. Maybe I'm the one who's out of touch. But I can't help but feel like we're all being played. And honestly, I'm tired of it.